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Friday, 02 October 2009
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Here at the cottage again
I am so emotional right now …
I wish all of my pain could go away.
And I am at the cottage again , sitting down writing this poem.
And thinking about my depression and how emotional I am .
It has been 11 months since my dark lover has leave me.
And I haven’t been myself since he leave me.
My wrist is scar free for 10 months .
But sometime I wish I could just kill myself and not worry about my life any more.
My heart is black and cold .
We are at the lake for the second time.
The fire is bright and the weather is cold but beautiful .
I have all the time in the world to relax and not think about you .
The water is so clam and quiet .
It finally day time and I don’t sleep at all last night .
I was up all night thinking about you .
And I know that you have pass on .
And now I know you are one with the earth.
And I am happy about that .
A month pass by and I am standing over you tombstone.
Tears fall down the my face.
Now I can’t stop crying .
I don’t understand why I cry so much when I see your tombstone.
I am tired of cry all the time.
It a full moon tonight and every other night this week.
The weather is still cold and I am still emotional .
So I start writing in my diary again and again.
Trying to understand what is make me emotional all the time.
So I make cup of tea and I light up the fireplace .
And I start thinking about life .
Than I start to cry because every time I think about my life, I start thinking the things I regret doing when you were still alive .
The one thing I do regret doing is letting you leave me that day when you die.
I feel so sorry for letting you dead.
I am so sorry for hurting you.
I love you very much.
And I never wanted you to leave me.
Now I am hurting from the lose of you.
Your death really damaged me.
I cry all the time.
I wish that you were still alive to take care of me.
I wish I could stop crying over your death.
I am still at the cottage.
The fire is bright and the stars are out.
And my family is with me.
My family has no idea how damaged and depression I am.
I wish that they could understand whut I am going through.
They will never understand whut I am going through.
I cry a lot since you have dead.
And no one understand me.
I wish my family and everybody else could understand me.
It’s raining outside.
There is a full moon tonight and it is so bright.
There is black crows outside in the rain.
I lock myself in my room tonight and I am crying again.
I miss you.
I miss being with you.
I cried myself to sleep last night.
And now it’s daytime and it’s still raining.
I just wish for this pain to go away.
I am still here at the cottage.
I am one peace here at the cottage.
I wish you could be here with me.
Please I wish you could be with me.
I am so lonely without you.
I cry all the time because you are not here me.
Please come back to me, not in person but in spirit.
It always rains down here at the cottage.
I am in back pain right now.
I am depressed too.
I wish I had someone to take care of me.
Please goddess bring someone into my life.
Someone who could take care of me.
I am so lonely here at the cottage.
It’s fall and the leaves are turning colors .
I may has leave the cottage but my spirit has remained here at this place.
My remembers of your death would remained with me forever.
But now I have to live my life without in it.
This is the last time I will be here at the cottage.
Good bye my lover.
Saturday, 29 August 2009
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My Dark husband
My Dark husband
Today I feel so emotional right now..
I hate this feeling.
I hate feeling so emotional.
I wish this feeling would going away.
I am walk home and it started to rain and I wishing that you were back with me.
I was in heaven when you were with me.
Since you leave me it has been hell.
I wish you could understand how I been feeling.
But you wouldn’t understand anything about my feeling.
You would never understand anything about me.
It is still raining very hard.
And I lock myself in my room never to see again.
One day I would kill myself.
And you will never see me again after that.
The month pass by and I am still thinking about you.
So I look outside my window the only things I can see are black crows.
The black crows are so beautiful.
The years pass by and today is day that my lover came back to me.
And he kept on saying that he was sorry for leaving you again, and I will not do that
Again please take me back.
Now I realist that you will never come back to me.
You have leave me for good and you never come back me.
A few month has pass by.
And a handsome, dark guy came knock at my door.
He was pale white , and hair was black and he take me by the hand and kiss it.
Another month has by and felt so happy being with you.
And than he finally ask me to marry him.
The wedding was beautiful and dark.
The first time in my life I realist how dark you really are.
He cut my wrist up and start drinking my blood and now I know whut he is .
He is my dark lord .
He is a vampire.
Every night he would go into my room, and try to bite my neck.
Normally she kept on saying no you can’t do this to me I am your wife.
So the dark lord take a razor-blade to my wrist and cut up my wrist and drinking my blood.
And after he drink my blood he take me into the other room and he left me there and he lock me in my room.
He left me food and water beside the doorway.
Whut should I do ?
Should I stay with him nor should I leave him right now ?
Another month pass by and I am still in room.
I can taste blood and metal in my mouth.
It is pass midnight and he come into the room with a razor-blade in his hand.
The pain you caused me never will go away.
The abuse you put me through never will go away.
The cuts on my wrist will never go away.
I will never leave this place alive.
I look outside my window and it is raining.
It is always raining here.
I hate watching the rain fall down.
My husband is never around any more.
And he keep me lock up with no food and water.
Years has pass by.
And I still in this room.
I am weak and tired and I am hate myself for getting in this relationship.
So I broken the window open, glass is everywhere.
My wrist is bleeding and try to get out of the room.
So I jump out the window.
And think I broken my legs jump the window.
I try to get up and I keep on falling down.
And than I notion my husband was outside and he notion that I was bleeding and my legs broken.
So I start run away from him and than he start to run after me hold his gun.
So run faster.
I notioned that there was old Church so I run into the old Church.
And than I start to pray for forget.
I can hear gun shot coming from outside the Church .
So I start to pray some more so he could hear me.
Some how I knew he would shot me for leaving him.
I could just picture it how.
I wish he could leave me alone.
But I knew he can’t do that the find me in the church and said that “ I will never let you leave me and the next time you try and leave me I will kill you.”
So take his gun and I shot myself.
Before I kill myself I tell him I will never be your NEVER AGAIN.
This is the end for me.
Sometime I wish I had a best life at the end.
There is a lot of things I doing regret in my life.
Wednesday, 24 June 2009
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Here at the lake
Here at the lake
I am at the lake and I hoping to see your face again.
Here at the lake its so beautiful and peaceful.
It take away all of my pain and depression, and all the sadness in this world.
Here at the lake.
I don’t have think about you.
I don’t have cry every time I think about you.
I feel so free out here.
It feel like the clear air has healed me just for this weekend.
Here at the lake.
The water is nice and clean.
Right now I feel so at peace.
Sometime I wonder why you can’t stay with me.
Sometime I wonder why you can’t stay in this relationship with me.
When I am at home I feel so lost and rejected by you.
When I am at home, I cry when I think about you, because I know I will never be with you again.
And never able to see your face again.
Here at the lake.
I feel much better here at the lake.
At night it is so clear and pitch black.
The stars are so bright.
The fire is burning so bright.
Here at the lake.
Sometime wonder why you left me.
I hope know that I loved you, and I hope you know what you are doing.
I still wish you could be part of my life still.
Now I know you could never be part of my life never again.
I am here at the lake when we both meet.
Here at the lake.
Monday, 01 June 2009
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this is the Tralier of New Moon
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_afnabx5IQ
Sunday, 29 March 2009
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I can't wait for New Moon to come out ...
yes i did painted it for New moon ..
I just finish it this morning...
Currently
New Moon (The Twilight Saga, Book 2)
By Stephenie Meyer
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Werewolf_freak_blood
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- Name: Crystal
- Birthday: 9/14/1986
- Gender: Female
- Member Since: 5/6/2006
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About Me
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dude I love to paint and draw... I am studying to be a writer .... I mostly write my poems base I my emotions.... oh yeah I am a goth/emo and I am also bi too ... I love to just listen to metal... I like watching anime .... I am really honest about topic we might talk about .. I love photography .... dude !!!! so if you want to read any of my poems, go to this website http://www.freewebs.com/crystak/
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Pulse
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whut would happen if one day we disappear within trace ? Whut would happen to the planet ?
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i feel so emotional right now ... *cry* i want to cry right now ...
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I wish i could Disappear from this world ... and I wish i could disappear ..... (if have not guess i am really depression toda
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